Common Sense- The Rest of the Story

I recently received an email that bemoaned the "death of common sense" in our nation. This following essay was written as a quasi-sequel to that email.

COMMON SENSE- The Rest of the Story

I must admit that I was saddened to hear about the recent passing of COMMON SENSE, which has been announced in various places on the world wide web. The announcements that I have read mention his loss of influence in our nation, but fail to explore the circumstances behind this decline. My original theory to explain COMMON SENSE's fade to irrelevance was that he moved to Canada or Japan. However, research into the matter has revealed the rest of the disheartening story behind the demise of COMMON SENSE.

Before I begin it should be noted that there is debate into whether COMMON SENSE ever really existed, as there is no mention of him in any ancient text before he was thrust into the American vernacular by Thomas Paine. I will leave this debate to those more scholarly than me.

There was a time when COMMON SENSE held sway from the Atlantic to the Pacific form Canada to the Gulf of Mexico. His ideas were revered by many. He is duly given credit for well-respected statements such as “don’t spend more than you have”, “eat your vegetables”, “proper planning prevents poor performance”, and “keep your kids home from school when they are sick”. His influence was massive. It was so great in fact that he eventually needed help to maintain his heavy workload. Guiding an entire nation is a time-consuming job.

As his staff grew, several of COMMON SENSE’s top assistants gained major influence over his operation. A few of those who were most influential included the brothers, DID YOU SEE WHAT HE WAS WEARING?! and DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID?!. Also on his team were DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU’RE DOING BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, and MOUTH OPEN, EARS SHUT. Another major contributor during this time was BUT, THIS BIBLE VERSE SAYS, who was consulted almost exclusively when COMMON SENSE had a religious issue to address.

For the sake of COMMON SENSE’s memory, it would be nice I could say that he was oblivious to the new directions in which his leadership team took his message. However, most reliable sources indicate that he enjoyed the extra influence that was being garnered through the use of his name, and he was unconcerned with the methodology that was used.

As the situation spiraled out of control, any chance of COMMON SENSE being audible again was lost as more aggressive members of his staff asserted their influence. Most notable among this faction were YOU SHOULDN’T THINK ABOUT THAT, I CAN TALK LOUD LONGER THAN YOU CAN and COWARDLY ANONYMOUS EMAIL who had a natural tendency to work in conjunction with SEEMINGLY AUTHORITATIVE YOU TUBE VIDEO BASED ON PART TRUTHS. While the new approach that the COMMON SENSE camp took had some initial success, gradually, as a result of the increasing difficulty in hearing COMMON SENSE’s actual voice, most people stopped listening.

After watching the misuse and decline of his influence, I can only hope that COMMON SENSE is finally able to rest in peace.